Two Recent Articles on Fathering

Anthony Esolen and Grant Castleberry have recently given us moving, helpful articles on fatherhood.

Readers of this blog will not be strangers to Esolen, whom I have linked to and commended before. In this essay he eventually speaks to the the current situation of the Boy Scouts. However, the bulk of the article simply articulates a healthy view of masculinity from the view of a father seeking to nurture his son. In typical Esolen fashion it is powerful and motivating. I believe he is correct in asserting, "In this time, it is impossible to raise any real man without trying to raise a godly man"

Then, Grant Castleberry has written a particularly moving piece reflecting on the impact of the loss of his father and how his father's faith and purity shaped him even though his father died when he was young. The story of the photo was particularly powerful to me.

I hope these articles can encourage you as they have me.

Portrait of a Faithful Father

The book of Fourth Maccabees (a Jewish book from around the time of Jesus) gives a powerful portrait of a faithful father. In context, the mother of sons who had died for allegiance to their faith, reflects on her husband’s work in training their sons:

A happy man was he, who lived out his life with good children, and did not have the grief of bereavement. While he was still with you, he taught you the law and the prophets. He read to you about Abel slain by Cain, and Isaac who was offered as a burnt offering, and of Joseph in prison.He told you of the zeal of Phineas, and he taught you about Hananiah, Azariah, and Mishael in the fire. He praised Daniel in the den of the lions and blessed him. He reminded you of the scripture of Isaiah, which says, `Even though you go through the fire, the flame shall not consume you.' He sang to you songs of the psalmist David, who said, `Many are the afflictions of the righteous.' He recounted to you Solomon's proverb, `There is a tree of life for those who do his will.' He confirmed the saying of Ezekiel, `Shall these dry bones live?' For he did not forget to teach you the song that Moses taught, which says, `I kill and I make alive: this is your life and the length of your days.'" (4 Maccabees 18:9b-19)

Fathers, let us teach the Scriptures to and sing the Psalms with our families, leading them to trust in God that they might live and die faithfully. (Ephesians 6:4).

Two Kind of Men

We are still enjoying Little Britches.  It is a mixed bag with various weaknesses, including fairly frequent profanity (which I edit out).  However, when it is good it is various good, particularly in the interaction between the main character boy and his father.  In what we read this evening the boy has been told only fools work with their hands and others are owed a living.  When he shares this with his father as they are milking the cows, the father, who doesn’t typically say much, says:

“Son … There are only two kinds of men in this world.  Honest men and dishonest me.  There are black men and white men and yellow men and red men, but nothing counts except whether they’re honest men or dishonest men.

“Some men work almost entirely with their brains; some almost entirely with their hands; though most of us have to use both.  But we all fall into one of the two classes- honest and dishonest.

“Any man who says the world owes him a living is dishonest.  The same God that made you and me made this earth. And He planned it so that it would yield every single thing that the people on it need. But he was careful to plan it so that it would only yield up its wealth in exchange for the labor of man. Any man who tries to share in that wealth without contributing the work of his brain or his hands is dishonest.

“Son, this is a long sermon for a boy of your age, but I want so much for you to be an honest man that I had to explain it to you.”

That is a good word.  The son reflects,

“I wish I knew how Father was able to say things so as to make you remember every word of it.  If I could remember everything the way I remember the things Father told me, maybe I could be as smart a man as he was.” (177)

This is a good portrait of father son interaction reminiscent of Proverbs (cf. 3:1).

Our Home is like a Little Church

Having previously commended here the little book, Pastor Daddy, I am pleased to say that the new edition, Our Home is like a Little Church, has now been published by Christian Focus Publications. Previously the book was available only through Sojourn Church who produced it, so I am pleased to see it now made more widely available.

Here is the promotional blurb I wrote for the book:

This is an excellent book and I have sought to get a copy into the hands of every family at our church. It is a story about fathers leading their families at home as the pastor leads the church. The great old concept of “every father the pastor of the church meeting in his house” is portrayed here in an engaging and compelling way. The left hand pages comment on what the pastor does at church. The right hand pages then comment on how the dad does a similar thing in leading his family at home. Reading this then will urge fathers forward and give them some built-in accountability as children will look to see that the things read about are actually done!  The book is simply written in a nice rhyme with nice illustrations. This little book has the potential to accomplish much good. I encourage you to get a copy for yourself and then get copies for families you could give it to.

Fathers and the Nurture of Souls

A few months ago I wrote a column arguing that as fathers hug their children they engage in spiritual warfare for their children. The thesis may sound overstated to some. However, two items I read in the last week have reinforced my conviction in this area.

First, a friend of mine recently shared his story of his journey through homosexuality. He mentions his abusive father, and how at age seven he rejoiced when his father died. He wrote:

I have no memories of my father or my mother ever holding me or expressing love for me. I grew up starving for love, nurture, acceptance and affirmation.

What is so striking about this is that it is so common in the experience of people struggling with homosexuality.

Second, I am reading Jim Speigel’s latest book, The Making of an Atheist (I have commented before on an earlier book of his). This is a great book which I commend to you. In one chapter Speigel interacts with the work of psychologist Paul Vitz (particularly Vitz’s book Faith of the Fatherless) who argued, through an examination of many prominent atheists, that a broken relationship with one’s father predisposes many people to reject God. Vitz does not say that a broken relationship with one’s father ensures atheism, but that it often predisposes one to atheism. Speigel comments further:

We unconsciously (and often consciously, depending on one’s worldview) conceive of God after the pattern of our earthly father. This is even encouraged in Scripture, as Jesus constantly refers to God as our “heavenly Father.” When one has a healthy father relationship and a father who is a decent moral model, then this metaphor and the psychological patterns it inspires are welcome. However, when one’s earthly father is defective, whether because of death, abandonment, or abuse, this necessarily impacts one’s thinking about God. Whether we call it psychological projection, transfer, or displacement, the lack of a good father is a handicap when it comes to faith.

Experience and observation simply confirm what the Bible teaches. Fathers, our presence, care and nurturing of our children is crucial for their souls. They will make their own choices one day, but the choices we make today shape the way they see God. Some will rebel against God in spite of godly parents. Still, we do truly wage war for their souls as we demonstrate loving care.

Value of Family

“When the Bible paints the picture of the happiest men on Earth with the most far-reaching impact on history, it does so in the context of family life, meal time, and the blessing of children (Psalm 127, 128). . . . Sometimes the most important thing happening in the world is the couple deciding to adopt a baby, or the child honoring his mother, or the daughter repenting to her father. Sometimes it is a little boy who waits patiently down the road for his daddy to return form work so that he can simply hold the hand of the most important man in his life. These are the moments that really matter – the ones that will count in eternity. They are the everyday victories of the Christian life that will one day fill the heart of the old man with joy as he looks back on a life well spent. That is why, when the world has passed away, and the trends of this present culture are long since forgotten, those simple acts of love, done in the name of Christ and for His sake by a mother to her child, or a brother for his sister, will retain value with the saints in eternity.”

Douglas W. Phillips, The Little Boy Down the Road: Short Stories & Essays on the Beauty of Family Life (xxi-xxii)
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A Father's Wish, by Edgar Guest

A Father's Wish
By Edgar Guest (in When Day Is Done)

What do I want my boy to be?
Oft is the question asked of me,
And oft I ask it of myself--
What corner, niche or post or shelf
In the great hall of life would I
Select for him to occupy?
Statesman or writer, poet, sage
Or toiler for a weekly wage,
Artist or artisan? Oh, what
Is to become his future lot?
For him I do not dare to plan;
I only hope he'll be a man.

I leave it free for him to choose
The tools of life which he shall use,
Brush, pen or chisel, lathe or wrench,
The desk of commerce or the bench,
And pray that when he makes his choice
In each day's task he shall rejoice.
I know somewhere there is a need
For him to labor and succeed;
Somewhere, if he be clean and true,
Loyal and honest through and through,
He shall be fit for any clan,
And so I hope he'll be a man.

I would not build my hope or ask
That he shall do some certain task,
Or bend his will to suit my own;
He shall select his post alone.
Life needs a thousand kinds of men,
Toilers and masters of the pen,
Doctors, mechanics, sturdy hands
To do the work which it commands,
And wheresoe'er he's pleased to go,
Honor and triumph he may know.
Therefore I must do all I can
To teach my boy to be a man.

Carson on a Spiritual Home

Over at my pastoral ministry blog I have commented a number of times on D. A. Carson’s book about his father, Memoirs of an Ordinary Pastor. In the most recent Crossway book report Dr. Carson was interviewed about the book and I thought his comments were relevant to this blog. The main point of the book is chronicling his father’s simple, plodding faithfulness without fanfare or glamour. Talking about growing up in this home he stated:

“I’d be the first to insist that modeling Christian virtues, not least in the home, is of paramount importance. The worst sort of home to be brought up in is the one where spiritual pretensions are high and performance is low; the best sort of home is the one where spiritual pretensions are low and performance is high. That was the kind of home in which I was reared.”

May we provide such homes for our children.

Pastor Daddy

Pastor Daddy, by Lindsey Blair and Bobby Giles
Illustrated by Tessa Janes
(Sojourn Community Church, 2008), pb., 15 pp.

This is an excellent book and I have already begun looking for a way to get a copy into the hands of every family at our church. From the title one might think it is about a family in which the father is a pastor at a church. That is not the case, however. This is story about fathers leading their families at home as the pastor leads the church.

At the close of my college days I stumbled across the idea in the Puritans of every father being the pastor of his family. I would later discover that this idea goes back beyond the Puritans (this book opens with a good quote from Martin Luther, for example). Since that time, this has been a key issue for me, convinced that one key step for renewal in our churches would be for men to realize and recapture their responsibility of leading their families in the reading of Scripture and worship of God. So many other good results flow from this one realization (e.g. the awareness by men that they need to know the Bible better).

This little book is an excellent way to hold before families this important truth. The left hand pages comment on what the pastor does at church. The right hand pages then comment on how the dad does a similar thing in leading his family at home. Reading this then will urge fathers forward and give them some built-in accountability as children will look to see that the things read bout are actually done!

The book is simply written in a nice rhyme with nice illustrations. This little book has the potential to accomplish much good. I encourage you to get a copy for yourself and then get copies for families you could give it to.

You can purchase the book at the church’s website, here.